50 Things that Annoy Singaporeans

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50 Things that Annoy Singaporeans

Post by Ace of Spades on 27th March 2008, 1:26 pm

i'm here to tell you about the 50 things that annoy singaporeans

In the Office

#1 Hoverers - The conversation is over, stop lurking behind our desks. Can't you see we're trying to work (ie MSN) in peace?

#2 Creepy cubicle neighbours who stare - Stop pretending to sink back into your seat to 'stretch'. We know you're secretly admiring our gorgeous profiles, you perv.

#3 Hip-hop ringtones - Funny how the owner of the thumping 'Umbrella' ringtone always turns out to be a pasty, skinny guy from logistics who's never around to answer his calls

#4 Desk Burping - Thunderous chicken rice-fuelled burps that rudely jolt us out of our daydreams of crashing a Porsche into the boss's office once we win the lottery? Not good. And gross

#5 Pongy colleagues - Don't force us to take shallow breaths outside of yoga classes. Nine hours of sharing cubicle space with you means it's your civic duty to make sure you don't reek. Shower, deodorise, fumigate, do whatever it takes

#6 Desk nail-clipping - 'Clip clip' is only acceptable if you're stapling something. Unless your clipper comes with a muffler or silencer, don't groom

#7 Liberal use of 'basically' during presentations - Basically, you're boring

#8 Liberal use of 'frankly' to start lectures - Frankly, we don't give a damn.

In the toilet

#9 Lame automatic toilet flushes - Filthy water rushing up our butts mid-potty, followed by radio silence once we stand up post dirty deed. Note to auto flush inventor : You Stink.

#10 Phone conversations in the cubicle - We really don't want to hear sordid details of your skanky maid's affair with the Bangla construction worker interspersed with lusty splashing sounds

#11 Pee on public toilet seats - People, didn't you get the memo : We're in the first world already

#12 People who say 'hi' at the urinal - Men standing side-by-sie with their thingies in hand should avoid eye contact and speech of any kind. What are you, George Michael?

#13 Mirror and sink hoggers - Nostril hair admirers who have the cheek to go 'tsk' when we try to wash our hands

#14 Cleaning aunties who barge into cubicles we've just entered - It's like being at home with bossy mummy

In showbiz

#15 Skinny celebs who say they eat a lot (but never get fat)

#16 Stars who say stupid things - "I want to wait until I'm married to have sex.' <--- Britney Spears. Uh-huh.

#17 Jackie Chan - You're 53. If we want to see you act like a 20-year-old, we'd just watch your son.

#18 The token retard role on Ch 8 - Everyone knows a hideous haircut, manic giggling and copious drooling equal good acting. As if.

On the road

#19 Cabbies who grumble "Wah, so big ah!" when you pay with a $50 note - Taxi fares nowadays also very "big", what.

#20 The new cab stand pick-up rule in the CBD - Flagging a cab from the roadside in Orchard shouldn't make us feel as dodgy as Mas Selamat.

#21 Passengers who leave soggy tissues stuffed in door handles - Unwittingly grabbing a fistful of snot-filled tissues while opening the door is our favourite pastime. Really.

#22 Tear-out parking coupons - Troublesome, messy, and so 1985.

#23 Cabbies who snort continuously - Stop grunting like a pig at one-minute intervals. Or digging your nose just before giving us our change.

Dining

#24 Eateries with 'z' instead of 's' or 'c' in their names - Zo ztoopid

#25 Menues which use pretentious words like 'espuma' to describe foam - Especially when the 'espuma' tastes like swill. Unless you're molecular gastronomist Ferran Adria, call your pork chop a pork chop, hmm?

#26 Girls who readily for out $5000 for a bag... - ...they'll tire of in six months, but b*#** all day about paying $50 for a meal. You are what you eat, hon.

#27 Overindulgent parents and their bawling brats - If you can continue eating nonchalantly while your toddler tears around the restaurant howling and spitting out food like a miniature monster, then you deserve to be #1 on this list.

#28 Hawkers who respond to whatever we ask for with an impatient 'Ah?' - 'Uncle, can I have noodles with extra chilli, less oil and no vegetables please?' "Ah?" 'Er, never mind, I think I'll come back later.' "Ah?"

Shopping

#29 Women who give us false hope while we queue outside dressing rooms - Just when we think they're leaving the room free, they beckon to their best friend/sister/mother/all three to "come in and see nice or not?" Not.

#30 Sales people in luxury boutiques who give us the once over when we enter - We know you're frustrated with your dull lives, but save your pseudo snooty energy for fetching us two pairs of those sexy leather shoes. In size eight, thanks.

#31 Inattentive and over attentive staff - Yes, we're such sticklers, we annoy even ourselves.


Online

#32 People who live out their lives on Facebook - "Michelle Lim is dating Marcus Tan and they just went to watch The Water Horse at Orchard Cineleisure and are off for dinner at Din Tai Fung." We. Don't. Care.

#33 People who post glamour shots-style self portraits on Facebook - 'Cos we know you really look like Jabba the Hutt

#34 People who give themselves smart alecky nicknames on MSN - Like 'Hung like a horse' or 'I'm not perfect, but its cool.' So clever. Yawn.

#35 Bloggers with inflated egos - Do your hollow online ramblings mean that mummy neglected you as a child?

#36 People who being e-mails with "Hi hi" - Bye bye.

Clubbing

#37 Fugly door bitches - If you have to be a b*#**, at least be a hot one.

#38 Chao kuan clubbers - The ones who always say "No lah, not thirsty." when its time to order drinks, but guzzle like Homer when the drink arrive. Of course, they pretend to be busy dancing when the bill comes.

#39 People who puke - Do us a favour - Drink Coke.

#40 Hemmers and hawers who clog up the bar - Time is precious, and we're thirsty.

#41 Podium dancers who can't - The Para Para machine from the games arcade called : It wants you back.

On the phone

#42 Calls from telemarketers while we're overseas - Hear that special overseas ring tone? It's code for "piss off".

#43 Hands-free set addicts - You look like a moron yakking loudly to apparently no one. Worse, you make us look like morons when we think you're talking to us.

#44 People who dive right into a conversation without saying 'hello' - Hello?

Facial expressions

#45 Open-mouthed concentration - Why must some men lose themselves so completely in their PSP games that their eyes glaze over and their mouths go agape? Its like stumbling on your zitt younger brother mid-wank.

#46 Eye-rolling - Eyeballs itchy? Wear sunglasses.

#47 Playing Bambi - What are you, five?!

#48 Nose crinkling - Not adorable, just retarded.

In the elevator

#49 Girls who flick their long hair in our faces - You ain't in a Pantene ad. If you want to flick, go stand in the middle of an open field.

#50 Men who immediately move to the back when they notice a girl in front - We know you just want to ogle ass, pig.

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Re: 50 Things that Annoy Singaporeans

Post by Doctor Inferno on 27th March 2008, 1:36 pm

haha! nice... thanks for the share.


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Re: 50 Things that Annoy Singaporeans

Post by tryer on 29th March 2008, 8:27 am

hmmm... interesting...

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Re: 50 Things that Annoy Singaporeans

Post by charvie on 23rd January 2009, 12:04 am

LMBO or ROFL LOL Banner :victory:




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